An Introduction

It was the sound of the hostel shower that woke me up that morning. We had gotten some new German roommates a few hours earlier and they were less than quiet while settling in. But such was hostel life and a common occurrence in any backpackers life. It didn't really matter as my own jet lag was still pretty bad and I couldn't sleep. So I did the only thing I could. I got up, made coffee, and watched the sun rise over the city of Alicante, Spain. I opened a window leading out onto a tiny balcony that stretched out maybe only a foot to over look the coastal town. I couldn't see the ocean but I could hear it and the lazy call of seagulls in the distance. To my left the 14th century castle was being lite up with God's backdrop of pink and orange clouds. Sipping on that rich dark coffee I watched the sun rise over the red roof tops and tried to grasp the feelings I was having. For the first time in my life I was actually happy. Not only was I happy with my present life, I was actually feeling hopeful for the future. That feeling was even more beautiful than the the sunrise.


Welcome to 5'6" with Heels. My name is Stephanie Scarim and I am a 24 year old college student here in Tempe, AZ. I am many things, but this blog will focus on two main passions in my life; pageantry and helping others.

I started to compete in beauty pageants in 2006 thanks to a little show on MTV called 'MADE'. (I saved you the time of googling it by providing a link to MTV's site (http://www.mtv.com/videos/life-after-made-pageant/1518525/playlist.jhtml#vid=70052) Sadly there are no videos of it online, so spare yourself the time of trying to search for it.)

Throughout all of my middle school and high school years I was bullied and picked on all the time. I was a heavier kid, more interested in baseball than ballet classes. Combined with the fact that my father is a Motorcycle Officer in a VERY small town didn't make me a very popular person. Eventually I found a way to keep people from coming and talking to me was by dressing in all black with as many chains, straps, spikes, and saftey pins as I possibly could find.

But by the time my Senior year came, I was ready for a change. A chance opportunity opened up and I was able to attend an open casting call for the show. Two weeks later I met Elyse (my producer/camera woman) and my life changed forever. 

MTV introduced me to the most important person in my life, Stacey. She was Miss Arizona (MAO) 1997 and 3rd runner up to Miss America. She worked with me almost every day for six weeks to help me shed my Gothic image and embrace the girly-girl side of myself I never really had. I competed in my first pageant that year and walked away with the title of Miss Congeniality. (The first of a total of three =)  After the pageant I had a tearful farewell with Stacey and thought that like so many other important people in my life, she too would just disappear. Thankfully I was wrong. The day after we finished shooting, she called me to see how I was and to assure me that she would always be a part of my life. She came through with that promise in 2008 when my life fell apart.

In March of 2008 my biological mother, Anita, came home early from her job at the county court saying she had just decided to quite due office drama. A few days later our family found out that the reason she left was because she had stolen over $82,000 dollars from her job because of a severe gambling addiction. Over the next few weeks and months we learned that she also stole several thousands of dollars from myself and my father all in an effort to feed that addiction. She was arrested, found guilty of 5 felony charges, and sentenced to 3 1/2 years in federal prison. Her actions tore my family apart and I found myself in the midst of a very deep depression. I don't remember much of that year, but I do remember Stacey. At my worst she was calling me every day to check on me. She let me cry. She let me scream. She let me be scared. She never once tried to rush me to recover. She simply listened to me, loved me, prayed for me, and encouraged me to hold on because she knew it would get better. 

In 2009 I moved from that small town to Tempe, AZ. The next three years would be a very difficult struggle for me. I was still dealing with the depression that nearly ended my life, on top of trying to find employment in the middle of the recession. This lead to me also having an issue keeping a roof over my head. Three times I found myself homeless. At my worst I was sleeping in the backseat of my truck in a Wal*Mart parking lot because I knew that I couldn't return that town. I am if nothing else a very stubborn girl, so I worked myself back from my rock bottom. It has not been easy. It has not always been fun. I have had a lot of help along the way, but I believe I have emerged a better woman for it all and wouldn't change a single thing even if I had a time machine.

In 2010 I was laid off a total of 3 times. I also just ended a long term relationship that by the end was nothing but toxic. I found myself going crazy and in need of doing something drastic to change the direction my life was heading in. My roommate at the time was traveling in Spain and I was talking to him on Facebook about everything going on. At the end of a long rant, I asked him jokingly how the weather in Spain was. His response changed my life. He simply replied "Why don't you come here to find out?"

A week and a half later I found myself touching down in Spain with everything I needed in a backpack. I spent a wonderful two weeks backpacking across Spain with my roommate and met some of the most amazing people. When I came back I decided to skip my connection flight from DC to Phoenix and spent another two weeks in DC and Virgina. By the time I returned home I knew I had changed. I had gotten a taste of the life I deserved. The life I always wanted. And I set out to make that life come true.

Three years later I am happy to say that my life is now everything I could possibly want and need it to be. I have since cut ties with Anita and am a better person for it. Around the same time I cut all the negative people out of my life. It's funny, but when I did suddenly my life got a million times better. I now have a great job, I returned to school and have a 3.75 GPA, met the love of my life, and have started doing my community service projects again. And it all started while drinking my coffee on that tiny balcony in Spain. I had made a conscience decision to get my life together and be happy, and I did. But I knew the price of that would be having to stop doing pageants for awhile until I got myself together. The chaos of my life clouded my mind and my heart and pageants became a chore. I found myself always feeling self-conscience about myself and never living up the standards I felt I should have been at. I knew I needed to stop because if I were to win, I wouldn't be the Queen that title deserved.


Now here I stand, three years later. In November of this year I will be competing at the Miss Arizona USA 2014 pageant in Mesa, AZ. This is the same pageant that I competed in with MTV all those years ago. Words can't even start to describe how excited I am to compete again! Not many people get another chance to chase after their dreams and I am blessed beyond means to have this one. Which brings me to the purpose of this blog....

I have two main goals with this blog:

1) To share my story to others facing similar struggles (or struggles of their own) because YOU ARE
         NOT ALONE!! It does get better, but you have to fight for it. Every day, every action you take,
         you have to fight to regain what you have lost. But once you have you will find such joy,
         relief, and pure peace in knowing that you have overcome everything like a boss! (Promise ;-)

2) To gain support to help make my dream of being Miss Arizona USA 2014 a reality. Just as I wasn't able to overcome my depression alone, I cannot achieve this dream on my own. Nor do I want to.


This blog is one of many places were I can and will promote not only myself, but my platforms, the charities that I work with, and my amazing sponsors. Pageants are not meant to be done alone. Half the fun of doing a pageant is doing all of the amazing work before hand. It's about discovering yourself and making a difference in the world. About meeting new people and creating bonds that will last a life time. (After all, all beauty queens want is world peace right?!) As one titleholder told me, "It's the soul and spirit of the girl that makes her crown shine so bright!"

There will be another post here soon to describe exactly how everything will work (or at least how I hope that they will work!) You can expect updates on my preparation, secrets and tips about how I'm learning to do everything, great community service projects that I'm working on (and you can get involved with as well), and raffles/fundraisers I will be holding to help fund my adventure! However, since it is about 1:30 in the morning I should get some sleep. I would like to leave you with my favorite quote from the Buddha as I feel it describes the next few months for me perfectly:

A butterfly may spend several years traveling to the same flower, 

only to find that it is not the flower that is beautiful, 

but the journey to it.

With that I wish you all a very good night. =)

                                                                                                                      - Stephanie

P.S.
At the end of every post I will be providing this link to my fundraising page. If you would like to help support me in any way possible, simply click on the below link and make a donation. All donations, (no matter how big or small) will be followed up with a thank you note and possibly cookies. ;-)
http://www.gofundme.com/3bsmgg